


the habits of my heart

by captainchicago



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Coming Out, M/M, jonny and patrick get cute in the shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4286739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainchicago/pseuds/captainchicago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonathan Toews does a photoshoot for the 2016 ESPN Body Issue and gets a hell of a lot more than he bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the habits of my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me for any mistakes. I wrote this without editing at all basically, because Tyler Seguin gives me feelings.

Honestly, fuck his teammates for making him sign up for this. 

In the beginning, Jonny could see the benefits of being featured in the ESPN Body Issue. He'd been around for the Seguin debacle in 2015, after all. He had to listen to Shawzy talk about it for weeks with hearts in his eyes, which was weird (well, as weird as talking to Andy was usually) and he'd heard plenty about it from Patrick's sisters, too. 

Once someone had popped the idea to the front office, it was all over. They had cornered him one day after practice and bombarded him with phrases like "increasing his personal visibility to the fanbase" and "you know, they usually pay money out of their ass for shoots like this." Total bullshit, anyway. He could walk down the streets of Chicago for less than five minutes and usually spot someone wearing his jersey. Visibility wasn't really an issue. 

Nobody in the locker room knew how to shut up about it, either. 

"You know," Duncs says to him one day at practice, leaning against the wall and giving him a conspiratorial look. "This could really help you get laid, Jonny. Like, forever. You'd never have to fail at picking up people at bars ever again." 

"And I'd never have to swoop in and save another girl from your terrible conversation skills ever again," Seabs adds, which earns him a kick in the shin from Jonny. 

"You only do that when you think the girl I'm with is hot!" 

"I just know that she could do better," Brent says, his easy smirk flaring a little bit of irritation within Jonny's chest. 

"Fuck off," he replies darkly, furiously glaring at the bag in front of him and punching it a few times. It was one naked photoshoot-it wouldn't kill him. He could do this, right? For the team. And for the fact that he actually was really bad at picking up people in bars, but whatever. He'd show them all that Jonathan Toews wasn't some kind of... Overly modest Canadian or some shit. And maybe he'd get laid in the process. It would work out for everyone in the end. 

 

The morning of the shoot, he's almost late, arriving at the UC with red cheeks and a half spilled Starbucks in his hand, out of breath when he shakes the photographer's hand. She's kind of cute, he thinks as she smiles brightly at him, all long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. Ten seconds after meeting her, he realizes that her job today is to photograph him naked. He can feel the tips of his ears start to burn immediately. 

"Right over here," she's saying, and he only heard about 3/4ths of her words because he's trying to fight the sudden anxiety that's seemingly taken over his body. She stares at him for a few beats before he takes the hint and starts to move. She wants him to undress, right. That's what this is about. 

They're in the locker room, one of most familiar rooms in the world to him, and he still feels uncomfortable, like he's going to crawl out of his skin. He shoves the feeling down and swallows hard, yanking his t-shirt off and throwing it into the ground, not unlike a toddler having a tantrum. The photographer, who's name is Anna, looks unfazed as he meekly turns his gaze to the floor and fumbles with the buckle of his belt. His palms are sweaty and with all of the extra lighting in here, he's suddenly kind of overheated. He'd give anything to walk out onto the ice and forget about this whole thing. And he's only been here for a few minutes, awesome. 

Anna is suddenly in his space, pulling the buckle loose within a few seconds. She smiles at him again, and he takes a few moments to pause and look into her eyes. They're kind of pretty, and _oh god,_ he needs to not think about the pretty girl right now. 

"Don't worry," she says, but all he can focus on is her cherry colored lips moving inches from his face. "I might be seeing you naked in a few minutes, but I'm more into girls. They gave me this assignment for a reason." 

He can't tell if he's more embarrassed or relieved, but either way, the knot of anxiety in his chest loosens a little bit with that news. He even manages a small laugh, to which Anna rolls her eyes and smacks his arm at. 

"Clothes off," she demands, but she's smiling. He kicks off his jeans and smiles back, hopeful that maybe this won't be so bad after all. 

 

He was so, so wrong. Anna has the patience of a saint, bless her, but he can tell that she's starting to get a little aggravated by the way she keeps yanking her hands through her hair. 

"Okay, Jonathan," she says, throwing a jersey solidly at his chest. "Maybe if you get dressed a little it will help?" 

The feeling of embarrassment from before has returned in full force. No matter what Anna and her team do, he just can't get comfortable underneath the bright lights. Every time the lens starts to focus anywhere other than his face, he can feel his cheeks starting to heat up, eliminating the "confident and sexy captain" vibe he's pretty sure they're going for. 

He sighs and resists the urge to curl in on himself as he pulls the jersey on, but he's actually kind of calmed by the rough texture of cloth against his skin. Taking a deep breath, he looks up at Anna, who has gone very still. His stomach clenches in nervousness, his eyes tracking all over the room. 

"What?" he says, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath. 

Wait-what's that smell? 

He looks down at the jersey, which is definitely not his size. It rides up every time he takes a breath, and it doesn't smell like his shower gel. 

It smells like Patrick's. 

A quick glance at the number on the side confirms this. An '88' is emblazoned there, not a '19'. Someone gave him Patrick's jersey to wear. 

He opens his mouth to protest, but Anna cuts him off before he can speak. "I know what we're going to do!"  
she shrieks, grabbing for her iPhone. "You-try the shower shots with him. I'll be right back!" And then it's just him and three other very confused photography interns from ESPN in the room, who stare at him after the door slams behind Anna. It's going to be a long afternoon. 

 

The interns have just managed to herd him into one of the big showers in the locker room when Jonny hears the door open again. He ignores it, turning the water onto full blast and rolling his shoulders lightly. Letting the water flow onto him feels nicer than he thought it would, and he sneaks a glance at the photographer, who apparently agrees. The three interns nod at him encouragingly, and he tilts his head back, letting his eyes close. 

When they open again, Patrick Kane is staring him in the face. 

"P- _Patrick!_ " he splutters, slamming his hand against the wall to try and turn the water off, which only leads to him sliding around on the wet floor and almost falling on his ass. Ridiculous of him, actually. The amount of times Patrick has seen him naked in the shower, and now it freaks him out? 

Patrick just smiles like the fucker he is in return, and holds up a balled piece of clothing in his hand. It looks suspiciously red and black, and Jonny blanches. He knows exactly what that is. 

"Put it on," Pat says, still smiling, leaning on one shoulder against the edge of the shower. Jonny glowers at him, wet hair dripping water in his face. He pushes it out of his eyes, looking directly at Pat as he shouts "Anna!"  
She appears beside Patrick, wickedly grinning like a tiny blonde pixie. 

"Jonathan, we had to to something!" she says, batting her big blue eyes at him. "You were so stiff-there was no way we were going to get any good pictures of you like that. You need to relax."

Patrick is giggling into his hand like an eighth grader when he realizes Anna's poor choice of words. Jonny takes the jersey in his hands and whips it at Patrick's head, trying to hide his own blush. 

"Wearing my jersey does it for you, huh, Captain?" Patrick huffs offhandedly when they catch their breath after wrestling over the piece of clothing. The question hits him after a moment of delay, breath catching in his throat. Patrick doesn't say anything, but Jonny knows his silence afterward is enough of an answer. He shifts his stance against the wall, and Jonny feels like a kid who's parents caught him watching porn with the way Patrick is looking at him. Wearing Patrick's jersey didn't really make him feel anything in particular at first, but now that he's here, watching him-the thought fills him with electricity, and he jumps in surprise when Pat opens his mouth again. 

"Here," he says, and presses the jersey into Jonny's hand. It's not a question this time, and Jonny feels like he's in a daze when he pulls it over his head for the second time that day. The difference in size between himself and Patrick isn't lost on Pat, that much he can tell. Before, Jonny was ashamed in the way the smaller jersey showed off the curve of his muscles, the way it dipped at his neck to show off his collarbones. Having Patrick here changes the dynamic completely-in a good way, he thinks, as he watches Patrick's eyes go darker. 

"Haven't got all day, boys. Let's go," Anna interrupts, and Jonny shakes himself out of whatever that just was. Patrick steps into the shower beside him, into his space, and he's so close that Jonny could take a deep breath and bump his chest into Patrick's. 

Jonny glances around Patrick to confusedly look at Anna, who raises an eyebrow back at him. "He's going to help you," she supplies helpfully, and if that's not a line from some bad porn, he doesn't know what is. 

"He's," Jonny croaks, throat suddenly dry. "Going to help me?" 

Patrick sighs exasperatedly and reaches across Jonny to turn the water back on, drenching Jonny in cold water for a second. Jonny yelps in response, shoving Patrick underneath the spray, letting out a loud giggle. It helps to laugh, and it's really not so bad when he stops overthinking the whole thing. Until he stops focusing on getting out of the cold water and starts really looking at Patrick, that is. 

When the stream of water finally starts to get warm, Patrick backs him up against the wall and brackets him in, hands on the wall near Jonny's head. Water pours down over Patrick, and Jonny gulps, because somewhere along the way Patrick had decided to forgo a shirt. He doesn't dare look at Anna now, tries desperately to ignore that they're not the only ones in the room, and _oh_ -how different would this be if they were alone?

That thought needs to go away quickly or Anna is going to get a lot more than she bargained for in these photos, he thinks, frantically looking at Patrick. His expression has morphed into something a little softer, more endearing. He smiles at Jonny like this is something they do all the time, and then he says, casually: "Turn around, yeah? Give 'em a show, don't let that ass go to waste." 

That's definitely not going to happen. Jonny shakes his head vehemently, but Anna pipes in, too. "That's what this is about, Jonny," she reminds him, and Pat gives him The Look-the one he gives when he wants Jonny to know he's always right. It's infuriating, but he does it anyway, spinning around very slightly to face the wall. 

Pat's hands are feather light on his back, tracing over the four letters in between his shoulders. It's something way more intimate than he imagined it to be, and he leans into the touch a little, smiling like an idiot. 

They fuck around in the shower for God knows how long, and Pat's hands are all shriveled up by the time Anna says they can go dry off. The whole thing feels like a dream when they emerge from the steam of the shower, Patrick's hand steady on his shoulder. 

"That was fun," he says to Jonny easily, toweling off his ridiculously long hair. It looks messy and endearing and undeniably Patrick, and (cliché or not!) he kind of really wants a picture of it. Anna complies with a knowing smile, winking and taking Jonny's email down before she leaves, promising to send him that picture as soon as she gets into the office. 

 

Three days later, Patrick reaches for Jonny's phone next to his bed, trying to turn off the alarm he set before they fell asleep after practice. The picture is Jonny's background, but he doesn't say anything. He knows. 

 

“KANE AND TOEWS BARE IT ALL”  
ESPN Magazine Body Issue 2016 

Reporting by Ryan Ramirez  
Photography by Anna Klein 

It seems like the connection between Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane has always been there. Though fans may remember screaming matches between the two in the beginning, there seemed to be an underlying current between the two young players: one that allowed for them to make enough magic on the ice to bring three Stanley Cups to Chicago. 

They are comfortable than most around each other. Kane looks at Toews with a kind of unabashed admiration, even after the years they've been on the same team. He says they share everything together-whether that's food during team dinners, stick tape, or a bed. The last is new to them, though it wasn't really news to the National Hockey League when the pair made their relationship official. It is, in many ways, the league's worst kept secret. Fans have been noticing the slight difference between their relationship and other hockey "bromances" since Kane joined the team. You don't have to be a behavioral expert to notice that they're always in each other's space, and that the glances they share are usually charged with an emotion stronger than friendship. 

When asked about the timeline of their relationship, Toews is quick to blush. In every way the pair seem to balance each other out. When his captain pushes the spotlight away, Kane gently pushes him back to where he deserves to be. The slight comforts (a hand on his wrist, a fleeting glance) calm Toews, media skittish no matter what, and now he smiles when asked again about their relationship.

"You know, I think there was always something there from the beginning. There was always-I mean, I hadn't thought of him as much more than a friend at the beginning, but there was this nagging feeling it could be more," Jonathan says, much to Kane's delight. The blonde reaches over to fondly ruffle Jonathan's hair, which doesn't seem to bother him. Something about Toews' expression tells me this happens quite frequently. 

"It was love at first sight, Jonny. Come on." Jonathan doesn't give that much reaction, but Kane persists until he starts smiling again. "Shut up," is the only comeback he can come up with, but it's weak and matched with Patrick rolling his eyes. 

The photoshoot featured here was what woke them both up, Kane says fondly, even though Toews ducks his head a little at that. Originally, the shoot was supposed to be for Toews, but the media's Canadian darling was simply too shy to let his modesty go like that. "He was pretty mad when I got there, actually," Patrick laughs, while Jonathan glowers at him. "They've got him set up in this shower, wearing my jersey and everything-he looked like he'd rather spend a whole day doing drills than be there." 

"It was embarrassing," Jonathan says, crossing his arms. It's worth noting that the "embarrassing" photoshoot shattered the previous record of magazine sales, held by Serena Williams. 

While quiet when speaking about himself, Toews is quick to jump in when asked about the popularity of their cover-and the media explosion following the announcement of them being together. 

"There was a lot of backlash, obviously. Not everyone was as understanding as the team was at what we did," he says. (Kane narrows his eyes at this, circling his fingers around Toews' wrist.) "But mostly there was an incredible outpouring of support from our fans, the hockey community. My phone hasn't stopping ringing yet, but if it helps a kid who's struggling with their sexuality feel a little more confident, I'm okay with it."

And that's the captain that Blackhawks fans are so proud to call their own. He brushes off the title of LGBTQ icon, shaking his head. He and Kane don't want to be known only as the two out bisexual players in hockey, something they both struggled with when deciding to come out to the public. 

"A lot of people in the front office worried that things would change after the announcement," Kane sighs, stretching out and putting his arm around Jonathan. "And they did, for sure, but we're still us. We're still members of the best team in the world. We still score a lot" -Toews smirks at this-"just with different people than expected, I guess. So yeah, it's been worth it." 

Regardless of their own opinions, something has changed between the two of them, and their team is thankful for it, I'm sure. Both of them had record seasons-Kane taking home the Art Ross trophy-because if they worked well together before, now they're a well oiled machine, a force to be reckoned with. 

There is one thing all their fans want to know: is there a hockey wedding in the works? Surprisingly, Kane is the first to answer, shyly glancing at Jonathan as he speaks. "After our next Stanley Cup, maybe," he says with a large grin. Of course, the Hawks gave the Pittsburgh Penguins a run for their money in this year's Final, though they ultimately lost the series. "But for right now, I think we'd just like to enjoy that we're finally perfectly happy. We can get married any time-pretty soon we're going to be too old to play hockey."

Clearly, the pair have their priorities in order. •

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me.  
> http://captainchicago.tumblr.com


End file.
